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Saturday, February 12, 2011

Investment Advice From Jeffrey Matthews: Valentines Day

Editor’s Note: This is another guest article from CFA and CPA Jeffrey Matthews: off-beat investment advisor. Due to popular demand, we had Jeff write an additional article.

Hello readers of excellent Web site, I’m Jeffrey Matthews, investment advisor, and I’m back to give you more investment advice. As I mentioned previously, I’m very successful; I own an RV, that I live in, and have a 32” flat screen TV that I nearly own (I am making rent-to-own payments from Rent-A-Center). In this article I am going to reveal more of my revolutionary stock-picking philosophies.

To begin with, you should start paying attention to your calendar. You’re probably thinking, “Whoa, whoa, what do you mean Jeffrey?” Lets slow down, this is complicated stuff and I want you to really digest this info. Here’s a relevant example: Valentine’s Day. It’s right around the corner and you should be investing in candy company stocks. You’ve probably heard of people doing this type of investing before, well, I invented it.

I start off by scoping out the calendar, as I just mentioned, (you could buy one of these at Wal-Mart or online) and I suggest looking up to two weeks ahead to plan your investments out. Back to Valentine’s Day. What I do is go to many different stores and check out the displays and packaging for the candy. Valentine’s Day and the days preceding are some of the biggest days of the year for candy sales. Prominent displays, catchy product packaging, and attractive pricing is a must to get the candy to sell. I take detailed notes from most every candy retailer in my area, even taking pictures, to create a portfolio for the various candies.

Next, taste the candy. Yes, besides cataloging you MUST eat the candy. Ask yourself this: does it taste good? It seems simple, but the best tasting candy will get bought more often, leading to profits for the company and a rise in the stock price. If Nestle has some incredible chocolate covered marshmallow heart that looks super nice sitting on the shelf and has striking design work on the package you know right away that stock must be bought. My personal heuristic for deciding how many shares to buy is dependent upon how many of the certain candy I consume: add 50 shares for consuming a second, 100 for a third, 250 for a fourth and if I make it to ten I add 10,000 shares to my investment in that company’s stock. It sounds crazy, but it has worked for me on literally, a handful of occasions. My strategy is not only effective, but also it’s a ton of fun [editor’s note: this could lead to sizeable weight gain, consult with your doctor before attempting].

Finally: When to sell? Lets stick with Valentine’s Day as an example. On Valentine’s Day, I will gorge on whatever candies I bought stock in, as I just mentioned. Depending on how I feel the next day or how many times I regurgitate that night is indicative of how long I hold a stock. If I don’t barf at all but still feel ill the next day, then I know I should hang on to the stock for at least one month.  Completely ill and barfing, then I sell right away. However, if I’m feeling good and can consume much more candy the next day I know it’s a guaranteed long-term hold (at least six months) and a serious money maker.

My investment techniques and knowledge come from years of first hand experience. Do not question my advice until you’ve tried some tactics yourself. One would think, “Jeffrey, you’re a CFA and CPA, most of your advice makes no sense coming from someone with such certifications and degrees from an institute of higher education.” Please do not be confused, I spent literally weeks and weeks, probably over a couple months studying for those documentations at ITT Tech. I don’t need that “knowledge,” I was born with an investment instinct. Please leave any questions in the comments, I’ll be happy to answer.

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