Hanus Adhesives Has Breakthrough With Book Glue That Smells-Like-Butt Technology

Much more potent formulation of book glue that smells like butt developed.

NEW YORK (AP) ­– Through advancements in proprietary chemical processing technologies, Hanus Adhesives has developed an extraordinarily potent formulation of butt-stink glue commonly used in the publishing industry to bind books. Not only is the formulation much more potent, even to the most seasoned of bookworms, but the stench activates much sooner. Traditionally, book glue took years of permeation, preferably sitting on a dark musty shelf, to properly develop that trademark stench, akin to a rear end. However, with Hanus’ new formulation the foul smell is almost instantly perceptible in the newest of books.

Chief adhesives engineer at Hanus Adhesives, Bill Richardson, had this to say about the new technology:

Our revolutionary glue formulation absolutely blows the other book binding glues out of the water. Hanus’ proprietary processes will have books smelling like butt nearly right off the bookstore shelf. The unpleasant smell coming from books utilizing our glue will be so strong that anyone within a ten-foot radius will instantly think you have been swimming in a septic tank or just have horrendously poor hygiene.

Hanus’ innovative book glue allows one to eliminate the years and years of waiting that it took for a book to acquire its reeking odor. Avid reader and New York Public Library desk reference librarian, Samantha Chalkes, was thrilled with the new glue: “I am very happy with Hanus Adhesives and their wonderful new bookbinding glue. It’s nice to be able to read while using the restroom and have the book stink more than your load.” 

An additional benefit to Hanus’ new glue is that the strength of the odor intensifies exponentially over time. The odor is available almost instantly, but the longer the book sits on the shelf the greater the power of the stench becomes; increasing in potency approximately ten-fold annually.

Janet Philgrove, head of PR at Random House Publishing, was admittedly ecstatic with the news that Hanus had finally developed their glue that smells-like-butt technology. “I heard rumors that Hanus Adhesives was trying to develop this more potent, awful-smelling book glue and to see it finally be released, I am almost speechless, but also breathless due to the stink. It really alters the landscape of the publishing industry. I do not see Random House using any glue manufacturer than Hanus.”

At the time of publishing, Hanus had secured exclusive agreements with almost every major publishing company in the U.S. and is said to be in development of a Super-Stench Stage II formulation of their current stinky glue blend.